Revolutionising the Change

In 90s, one of common question that appeared on beauty pageant,” Would you opt for change with the war or stagnant world with peace?”. I always used to wonder why one or the other, why not change happening peacefully. Though never pondered much on it then, too young to care and worry. But as the third decade dawned on me, I began the philosophical journey to become intellectual and in that become attractive to single guys. Hence the apprehension why does change need to come with a revolution why can’t be a quiet turn of time. And why the sudden desire of change? Why make any resolution to amend yourself at dawn of every new year only to see them go down the drain next day?? Why re-adapt after all that pain of initial adaptation, and to prove whom? Always been told be happy with oneself and be happy with what you get, is the change because you aren’t happy with yourself or your collectives? Than why form an individuality with some experiences only to change it again because it isn’t what you wanted?

Like every single guy who is on dating scene has come across the dilemma, why aren’t I suitable for some guys, what’s wrong with me blah blah. And the answer was “I need to change” But change to what, for what, at whose will, and will there be further need of change? I was taught by my mother that each relationship needs working on, needs some compromise, some amendments. But does it need a complete change of a person, time or life? Like every new year eve I make a statement that this year will be different, it will be m year and my time. Shouldn’t every year in one’s life be his/hers, why want to it different when you have sailed your life to this year safely, even though with some hindrance, but you are still there. I realised I don’t have any answers to any question i pose. Hence I decide to jump on bandwagon of renaissance.

Lets see what my changes of this year lead to, although I promise myself I will change each year I want to do this year because current spell of loneliness and finding out if change is answer to be accepted on gay dating scene. And these changes aren’t only for the surge of relationship, but for finding elasticity of my boundaries. Also because of boredom of laziness and excuses for not been able to many things I dreamt of. 2012 came and went, Obama got elected, Saville got exposed, Indian girl showed me that they aren’t just self-sacrificing, onion chopping, regressive soaps watching sex when an atrocious crime is committed against their gender.I wanted to do so much, yell out my rage, act my wishes. But like always I got my cold feet and let my laziness take better of me. This 2013, I wouldn’t want to say its my rebirth or is going to be different, as it will just be pure utter daftness. But I would like to see what change is, what are perks of change and doest it really happen and if does is it rewarding conclusion or just a transit stop before another revolutionary change awaits to happen.

As, Barack Obama quoted “Change will not come if we wait for some other person, or if we wait for some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” I would like to see if all the resolutions I made this year need a revolt or mere trial from my part and I really am capable of change.But am sure being peacefully lazy wont bring change or will it?? Watch for space………

Farewell 2011

2nd day in 2012, an eve before the work for 2012 presumes thoughts of 2011 flash through brain. As a new chapter begins, anxiety grips, eagerness arises and memories flood the brain. Not knowing what lies ahead, one tends to reflect what went by. So here is 2011 in few words in my post.

  At this time last year, I was praying 2011 needn’t be as eventful as 2010 and God does have ears for my voice. Although a rather uneventful quite one it has been a been a strong year in laying the base for future. The Arab youth fought for their future, world dictators diminished and reached their destiny, Osama got killed, we voted a hung parliament in Britain. Throughout the world, there were life changing events happening and in my small world it was all about improving. A general self improvement of personality and grooming appearance. 

My highlights for 2011 were:-

1. Meeting new people from twitter and made and met best of people 

2. Learning that I could run and doing my first ever lifetime 10k run as Pride Run and also a later 5k in a respectable time

3. Gaining more trust and faith of my existing friends and learning I wanna be more close to them distance wise

4. Acknowledging certain facts about me which I have been ignoring for while and learning to reduce self expectations and being self realistic about dreams

5. And being more sure that I am absolutely passionate about movies and travel.

 This came a more positive approach to 2012 and thereby hoping to keep this up and making 2012 a breakthrough year of my life.

New leaf

5th March 2011, in few months I turn 29, not scary age but a complete nightmare when you start to enlist your achievements and you find page empty. Edgy close to falling on sofa I wondered how lazy can I be after 26 years running after a professional career for past 3 years, I should have done something creative something I had dreamed for had ambitions. But sadly, my lazy ass and self forgiving attitude made the past 3 years complete waste and no valuable achievement. Shame grips me, 2010 was dark year in my life when I switched from complete depression to hyper anxious to complete TV watching sofa crouched ass. 2009 was career debut in England a milestone year in my profession when I started earning  a decent professional salary. 2010 it all took tumble, at one point there was fear of everything been snatched away everything I earned till date money, career, respect bit of self-confidence that I had. I had year I spent time with therapist, earned support of friends and family and most important learnt value of life and to prioritize it.

2011 thought would be my year. On new years eve alone with an acquaintance, I made lots of new resolutions and unlike past years was determined to follow them. The vital one was to stay positive and upbeat others included getting more organised, more clean and more active in walking towards dream. January was all up and happy but passed far too quickly with no achievements on my agenda. Hence with few surprises February was a dampener in fact at one point I was hopeless and drawing myself towards dark side. Last week I got a grip of myself and said time to act now or you have an empty life with no substance or meaning.

Hence, on day my parents tied in matrimony I thought I will work towards my aims and goals. They being working in media, achieving a name for myself in that world hence want to learn writing. Also being more disciplined and short-term goals like reducing weight, making myself presentable, making a beautiful garden in courtyard etc. Thus, wanna start blog to expose myself to suggestions , to comments and most important share myself with this immensely huge beautiful world.

A 2009 movie called “Julie and Julia” inspired me to get myself a short-term motive. A possible, manageable  motive which I can work on and be happy. The short-term goal being educating myself in world I wanna earn name  in ‘Writing and Movies’. Thus , I start project today called as “Creation Bhavin”. The project includes two major acts which are every week 1.Watch a movie which I have never seen before and write and submit my own review here and 2. Cook a new vegetarian/vegan recipe every week and write about it here. The other aspects of this project include keep on with my reading and review books as and when I finish them including any magazine articles or newspaper comments, write my comments on any current affair that engage my opinion and also write and comment about TV shows that catch attention and most important share various clippings of life with my take on people in my life and my career. And doing all this without compromising my job, household chores or social life. Its a challenge I embark upon hoping to turn a new leaf in my underachieved life. Not forgetting to enrol in a distance learning writing course and also join a dancing class to improve my physical skills and later this year join in a university diploma in my profession

As usual I have set myself  high expectations lets see if I fail myself again or manage to achieve something at least this year. Would require your wishes and blessings.

I start challenge 2011 : “Creation Bhavin”